To Plan or Not To Plan

I’ve had one, real, big girl job so far in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a plethora of small jobs. Anywhere from life guarding to caregiving for adults with ID to gallery guarding. I’ve worked it. But I’ve had only one, full-time, real, big girl job. For 6 years now I’ve worked as a music therapist on a pediatric unit.

Despite needing a new challenge (and soon getting one), I’m really going to miss this job, in all it’s frustration and glory. But that’s not what this post is solely about.

Despite my sadness regarding closing this “door” as I move to Nashville, my real anxiety right now is that another one hasn’t opened yet…

I know, I know, I know. Everything will work out. And I knew that moving would be tough. And I knew I would reach “freak-out” mode. But my last day at work is tomorrow and I’m moving in 14 days and I don’t yet have a place to live or a job…!*)&$#*()#*@! (where are emoji’s when you need them?!)

Every job in Nashville tells me to call them after I move and every house/apartment says I need proof that I have a job. Where does that leave me?…Freak-out mode.

Everyone I run into asks what big plans I have in Nashville and am I excited yet. And all I want to do is tell them what they want to hear, and talk myself into believing it’ll be okay. But to be honest, I have no clue what I’m doing. I started crying the other day when a co-worker asked me what my plan was…crying. And I’ve yelled at my Mother more times that I’d like to admit, when really all she’s trying to do is help and be supportive (sorry Mom). And worst of all, this has all been my decision! No one forced me to quit my comfy life and move across country. But it still feels like I’ve jumped off a cliff surrounded by heavy fog. And I’ve already jumped, so there’s no going back…but I can’t yet see where I’m going to land. What have I gotten myself into….?

Taking a step back though. Despite my incessant need to plan and know what I’m doing with my life, isn’t this the “musician” way?

I’ve traveled to Nashville several times now for business and networking, and on each occasion I’ve met musicians who just…moved there. One guy packed up everything he owned in his jeep, moved down to Nashville with no job and no place to live, slept in his car most nights and rented a hotel every 3rd night to shower and sleep in a real bed. He planned on doing that for about a month until he could move in with some roommate he found online.

Talk about guts!! Another guy I know was offered a job with a band a while ago, so he quit school and moved across country to play with them. It wasn’t a touring band and he didn’t stay with them for long, but it led to other opportunities, and now, he’s made music and touring into a steady career!

So to plan or not to plan? Despite my efforts to create a solid, smart plan, life doesn’t seem to want me to form one. So perhaps this is a great opportunity for growth. Not that I’ll stop looking for job and housing, but at some point maybe it’s healthy to just “go with the flow”. You can’t control everything in life. Sometimes you have to put the work in and trust that things will end up okay.

So here’s to jumping into the fog and trusting that I’ll land somewhere safe.

Here’s your daily dose of music: Lets Get Together 🙂

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, I’m saying it’s going to be worth it.” ~ Art Williams